Jokes

[kerpea30]

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly


A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter

'What are you doing?'
She asked.

'Hunting Flies'
He responded.

'Oh. ! Killing any?'
She asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.


Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded,

3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

[Jade]

;D ;D ;D ;D

[littlesnowflake]

hahaha ;D ;D thanks for sharing

[loraline]

lol... karma for that one

[Jade]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him. She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place
where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor
party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching
while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

*****************************************************
SH!T HAPPENS... ;D

[kerpea30]

ROFL...OMG I can't stop laughing! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[devlin]

OMG!!! That was a great one! I can't wait to show it to my husband!!

[kerpea30]

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new
Employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.


The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

[devlin]

AWESOME joke!!!

[Lucy]

LOL
or, as we write here nowadays: xD xD xD

[missalabama]

Oh, Is that what xD means? Ha! Ha! I had been wondering about that! I always get confused on those heiroglyphic signs... LOL, Lucy!

Kerpea, ROFL @ your tickle Me Elmo Joke... Sending you some Karma!

[Lucy]

xD (or XD) is like LOL, LMAO, ROFL... It's a smiley that comes from japanese cartoons; when you see a character laughing a lot on those cartoons, their eyes turn into a X and his mouth into a D. It's a smiley very used here in Spain, when you text someone by mobile or at the Messenger.
You can see the icon here:
hooded.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/xd_smiley_by_jackerabi53.jpg
smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Manga/xD-075.GIF
And the same hapens when someone writes ^^, that means this:
hope it helps, I didn't know if people outside Spain use it too, I think not.

[missalabama]

ROFL, LUCY! Or should I say xD! LOL! Thanks! I've been wondering about that! Sending you some Karma!

[Lucy]

Thank you!!

[Kati]

Found that one on a information board at university... made me laugh...


"How many irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, one to hold the light bulb, and one to drink until the room spins."